Thomas Jefferson here, running for president. I'm running against John Adams, a.ka. a hermaphrodite, is that really what you want for this country?
Adams has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman!
If you don't vote for me, Adams is going to ruin our nation. So do not make the wrong decision.
I plan to lower or eliminate national debt, which is more money in YOUR pocket.
I've been an opponent of slavery my entire life; let's end slavery.
I was a main leader in The House of Burgesses; I can run the country well.
Vote for Thomas Jefferson!
And I, Thomas Jefferson, approve this message.